Cold Nights
by drunk-on-disappointment
Summary: Series of one-shots about Elsa dealing with her love for her sister. One-sided Elsanna, some Kristanna, some other pairings, rated M for future chapters. This will have a happy ending, so don't be discouraged. It will just take a lot to get there.
1. Fogged Windows

**I need to stop making so many projects. This is what happens when you conceal your love for Frozen and Elsanna for months. These take me about 20 minutes to write so expect this to be updated more frequently.**

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"_There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the extra person in the room."_

_ - _Sylvia Plath, _The Bell Jar_

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Snowflakes swirled in the air outside of the large glass window. It had begun about an hour ago and the flakes had gotten fatter since. They had begun to gather in a collective heap on the roads and grass outside, which made her slightly concerned about driving home.

She didn't want to interrupt them, though.

Music played softly in the background but it made her ears ring and her head hurt. It was some sappy song about _true love _and it made her stomach sick and a bad taste grow in her mouth.

She still welcomed it more than the quiet giggles she heard from the corner of the diner.

Elsa tried desperately to concentrate on her physics notes about convex and concave mirrors and lenses. She had a huge test tomorrow and hadn't planned to be spending her night studying in a secluded booth listening to the pair in the corner whisper about stupid shit and how much they loved each other.

At least she got some hot chocolate out of it.

But her drink had gone cold. She had burnt her tongue on the scalding liquid when it first arrived, because she hadn't been paying attention. She had watched as their lips met and she hopelessly tried to wrestle the demon of jealously that formed in her stomach.

The burn had felt nice on her tongue. It distracted her from the burning she felt in her eyes.

Another giggle erupted from the booth where the two sat, louder than the rest. The blonde man, Kristoff, was gesticulating wildly all of a sudden, saying something about his dog, Sven.

The redhead sitting across from him was laughing madly, a red flush decorating her face that hid her freckles slightly from Elsa's position. She gritted her teeth and tried to study the formulas she had neatly written down in her notebook.

The waitress came over and Elsa had declined the offer of another drink. She didn't know why the women bothered. Her cup was still full. Perhaps she felt sorry for her, sitting all by herself while her sister and her boyfriend were cozy together, fingers now entwined.

Elsa huffed and wrapped her arms around her stomach, twisting the fabric of her baggy hoodie in her hands. Her braid fell over her shoulder when she turned to look out the window. A small layer of snow had collected itself on the glass, lining the bottom.

The snow always made her feel lonely. All of the snowflakes danced and twirled around with one another, having a constant partner. It reminded her that she had no one.

Her gaze shifted over to her sister and Kristoff. He was wearing that sweater Anna had given, with reindeers wrapping around the top and bottom, and it was stretched slightly over his broad chest and muscular arms. Even though they had started to date only a month before Christmas, her parents had invited him over a few nights before for dinner. She had to stomach the two all night, as well as their gift exchanges and kisses while curled up on the couch watching classics.

She would've thought that her parents would've trusted Kristoff by now. Unfortunately for her, they still wanted someone watching over their daughter on her dates. And, of course, she was the only option. Elsa took a sip of her cold chocolate and fought the urge to spit it out as it slithered down her throat.

It tasted bitter and depressing.

She tapped her phone, silently wishing for her mother to call or text her that they should start heading home before the weather got any worse. The snow lined the streets clearly now, but it was just brown slush. So ugly compared to the snow falling down.

Her finger ran down the window, fogging it slightly. Her hands curled into a fist when she heard Anna's laugh again. She looked so happy, so carefree, so innocent, and Elsa's chest constricted when she realized the she wasn't the cause of her sister's happiness.

The physics notebook and textbook were slammed shut. Elsa could feel the ache in the back of her throat. She didn't care about it anymore.

-_Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? -_

Elsa felt hot tears pool in her eyes and she furiously dug the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop them from falling. They left a dark stain on her black sleeved where they covered her wrists. She threw some money on the table; she didn't know how much. She couldn't stay here.

Her mother would be pissed that she had left Anna alone with Kristoff, leaving her without a ride as well. But the blonde junior had met Anna here, had spun her around when they saw each other, so Elsa wasn't concerned about her sister getting home.

She was more concerned if she could make it home before it hit.

-_Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I've built my life around you. –_

Her steps sounded fuzzy in her ears and she didn't really know what she told Anna but her sister frowned and turned away from Kristoff. Her hand was still covered by the two of his and Elsa felt the demon roar and claw in her stomach.

"Are you okay, Elsa? Are you crying?" Her voice was soft, so sweet. Elsa shook her head.

"I'm just tired. I have a big test tomorrow that I have to study for. Will you be able to get a ride?"

Anna nodded and turned to Kristoff with a smile. "Can I get a ride with you?"

He flashed a white, lop-sided grin back and Elsa felt sick. "Of course." Anna nodded and turned back to Elsa, eyes unfocused and smile wider.

"See? I got it covered."

"Just don't be out too late. Mom is already going to kill me for leaving you here," Elsa grumbled.

Anna waved her spare hand. "Relax, sis. Mom knows how much you care about your grades." Elsa almost laughed. She didn't care; they just helped to distract her.

"Alright," she said. Her voice sounded hoarse and she tried to clear it. "I'll see you later."

Anna waved and Kristoff did the same before their hands were back together like magnets. Elsa gave them a watery smile, but they didn't notice.

-_So, take this love, take it down. Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around. If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well, the landslide will bring you down. -_

The cold air hit her in the face when she opened the door. Snow stuck in her white hair and quickly melted, leaving her with an empty void in the pit of her stomach.

She didn't know how she made it to her car, how she made it home, how she made it to the front door, how she made it up the stair, how she made it to her room, or how she made it to her bed.

But she curled up under her blue blankets and her back shook with the force of her sobs. Her physics book lay abandoned on her desk.

She didn't care if she failed her test.

She failed at being a normal sister to Anna, so why did a stupid test even matter.

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**The song is Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, in case no one knew. **


	2. Sick Days

**Just fixed and changed a few things**

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Elsa never really got sick. She always felt sick; her stomach was always twisted and her head always ached, but as she rested her burning forehead against the cool tiles of her bathroom, she felt like she was actually dying.

The harsh white lights caused her head to throb harder, so she buried her head in the crook of her arm. She curled up and hoped that her mother and Anna were still asleep. She had run in here an hour ago and no one had showed up but her mom had a tendency to make multiple trips to the bathroom at night.

So did Anna. She could always hear her tripping and stumbling down the hallway, muttering sleepy curses as she went. Elsa always woke up to her steps and couldn't stop herself from hoping that one day she would walk into her room instead.

She always looked forward to hearing Anna's footsteps, but not tonight. She hated when people worried about her; she would probably drag herself to school tomorrow in order to act like nothing was wrong.

She hid many things very well.

Her stomach rolled again and she pushed herself up with weak, trembling arms. She was glad she had put her hair in a bun before she went to bed. When the rest of her stomach contents were gone (she had thought they had been gone the last few times), Elsa flushed the toilet and slid back down to the tiles.

A knock rang through her ears.

"Elsa? Are you okay?" Anna's quiet voice sounded from the other side of the door. Elsa found that she didn't have the strength nor desire to answer. She was perfectly content with lying alone on the cold floor.

"I'm gonna come in, okay?" The redhead paused for a minute and Elsa knew she was waiting for her to protest and tell her to go away. But when she didn't, the knob turned slowly and the door opened, revealing a sleepy Anna with tangled red hair and a twisted tank top and shorts.

On any other occasion, Elsa would have either laughed at her hair or be slightly disappointed that her twin braids were gone, but she had her head buried once again in her arm so she didn't even see Anna open the door.

Her sister walked slowly towards her, feet making like light patters on the floor. She kneeled down besides the blonde. A cool hand was placed on her hot forehead and quickly shot back.

"Jesus Elsa, you're hot." Elsa felt her lips curve into a smile.

"I always knew you found me attractive." Anna giggled.

"Well, I can see you're not completely dying because your sass is still there but seriously, you have a pretty high fever."

"I've realized this," Elsa said, words muffled by her arm. A wave of nausea hit her again. Anna said something and walked out of the bathroom but Elsa didn't hear her. She was to busy trying to not throw up in front of her.

Anna quickly came back with water, a thermometer, and a bottle of medicine. The medicine left a bad taste in her mouth and the water only amplified it, reminding her of the sour taste the hot chocolate had left in the back of her throat that one time at the diner.

Her sister frowned when she looked at her temperature and through her fever-induced haze Elsa thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. She didn't even really need a fever to think her sister was beautiful.

Anna helped her up off of the ground and led her back to her bed. Elsa climbed in, body suddenly more achy than she remembered. Her head was spinning and the headache was at full force.

Elsa groaned when someone nudged her over to one side of her bed, making room for another body. Anna wrapped her arms around the blonde and snuggled close to her. Her frizzy red hair tickled Elsa's nose and made her forget her sleepiness momentarily.

"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you to get sick." Her words were scratchy and slurred with fatigue, making it sound like a mix of English and some type of gibberish. Anna didn't seem to have much trouble translating though.

"Oh shush. You were shivering. I just thought you were cold." It was then that Elsa realized that she was cold. She also noticed how warm her sister was besides her and she couldn't help but move closer.

"I don't want you to get sick," she repeated.

"Relax, sis. Go to sleep."

"We have school tomorrow."

Anna shook her head. "Nope."

"Fine. You have school tomorrow," she corrected. She stomach twisted when she thought about that. Kristoff would be there. But Anna shook her head again.

"No way. Someone's gonna need to take care of you."

Elsa was too tired to fight her on the issue. She felt a smile grow on her face as Anna tightened her grip around her waist. Maybe a day with Anna wouldn't be so bad.

The idea of Anna as her nurse was also pretty appealing.

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**I just love writing Elsanna ****fan fiction when my sister is right across from me. Excuse me as I innocently write about something you find disgusting, don't mind me. I should really stop and do actual work...or at least work on my other stories to some extent. **


	3. Dinner Date

**I have realized that managing four incomplete stories is kinda a pain in the ass.**

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Elsa huffed and ran a hand through her messy bangs as she sat curled up on the couch, protectively wrapped deep within her father's old t-shirt. It was a few sizes too big but Elsa always found comfort in it.

Her mother was standing over the stove, stirring a spoon madly in one pot before switching to another. Anna was sitting at the counter, a knife in one hand and a carrot in the other. Chopped pieces were to the right in a bowl and the full carrots were lying besides her.

Kristoff was leaning over the table, watching Anna work while occasionally making dull conversation with her mother. His eyes would always stay on Anna though, and Elsa watched as his eyes roamed around her face, flicking down to her tongue (which was sticking out of her mouth in concentration) every so often. Elsa found that she was doing the same but quickly stopped herself.

She instead fixed her gaze on the TV with a rerun of some stupid show playing. Elsa didn't care about it. She tucked her legs underneath her and wrapped her arms around her stomach, hunching forward.

She nibbled her lip, biting down hard enough to draw blood when she heard Anna and her mother laugh at something Kristoff had said. She glanced over at their smiling faces. She watched as Kristoff snatched one of the carrots from the counter and bit it in two all while Anna desperately tried to get it back. A beautiful smile graced her lips and Elsa gulped audibly.

She turned again, playing with the bottoms of her pants. The weather was dark and heavy and Elsa could feel the cold seep into her bones even though she was in a warm house with a blanket around her shoulders. They were at the tail end of winter, yet it still hung persistently in the air. Elsa half-hoped that it would snow one more time, but then she remembered that she hated the snow.

Footsteps sounded to her right and she turned to see Kristoff standing awkwardly at the entrance of the living room. He rubbed his neck; ruffling his hair in the way that Anna had told Elsa was _so cute. _Elsa found that it gave her a sick feeling in the back of her throat.

He gestured to an empty chair besides the couch. "Mind if I sit here?" He coughed a little. Elsa shook her head and he sat down with a heavy thump. The pair sat there staring at the screen while they faintly heard Anna and her mother talking in the kitchen.

Elsa's eyes were unfocused and she soon found that she was able to forget that her sister's boyfriend was even there. He soon made his presence known as his voice cut through her daze.

"So, you read _Game of Thrones?_" Elsa glanced over at the seat he was in and saw her copy of the book in his large, beefy hands.

Elsa cleared her throat. "Yeah. It's one of my favorite series."

Kristoff smiled, but to Elsa, it seemed forced. "Mine too. The show is pretty good too."

Elsa nodded again and wrapped her arms tighter around her stomach. "It's pretty decent," she agreed. "I've been trying to get Anna to read the books for a while now, but she never seemed interested."

Kristof laughed and Elsa narrowed her eyes, a small frown forming on her face. "That's funny because I got her to read the first one."

Elsa's throat constricted and she dug her fingers into her arms. She felt betrayed for some odd reason. Anna walked in right after Kristoff's statement, a wide smile forming as she sat besides Kristoff on the arm of the chair, practically on his lap. Elsa felt a familiar ache form behind her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm, like, almost done the first one. It's really good! At first I didn't believe Kristoff but then once I started, it was like, wow!" She finished with a small laugh and Kristoff gave her a lopsided grin. Elsa couldn't force herself to smile but they didn't notice.

"Anyway," Anna said, standing, "dinner is ready." Kristoff got up and followed her to the kitchen. Elsa slowly untangled herself, feeling like her limbs were frozen in place. The smell of the food made her stomach twist and clench uncomfortably.

She sat heavily onto one of the seat, thankfully next to her mother and Anna at the head of the table. She forced herself to eat a few bites to satisfy her mother but once Kristoff started to tell her mother and Anna about his family Elsa lost whatever appetite she had.

She watched her mother's eyes light up and she knew Anna was holding the blonde man's hand underneath the table. Elsa knew her mother loved Kristoff and she knew Anna loved Kristoff and the thought made her feel isolated.

She suffered through the rest of dinner, desert, and then god-awful conversation afterwards. By the end, she had started to eye her mother's wine glass enviously.

Elsa stayed at the table until Kristoff announced that he had to leave, since he couldn't be out too late. She only stayed for Anna, because every so often Anna would glance at her and give her a small smile. Her mother did the same. The least she could do was pretend she was okay, for their sake.

She tried not to run away as she stood by the front door as they saw Kristoff out. He had been shy at first and had only kissed Anna's cheek, but, much to Elsa's horror, Anna had turned it into a full kiss. She didn't care if her mother was there. She didn't even care that Elsa was there.

Her mother looked away but Elsa couldn't, even though her chest felt like it was being torn into two, shattering into tiny pieces. Finally, the pair broke apart and Kristoff gave a little laugh of embarrassment. Both of their faces were flushed. Elsa's face was too, but from some feeling completely different.

Anna's boyfriend thanked her mom again and left with a little wave, driving away in his truck. Elsa felt a like a weight was gone from her chest but the memories of the night quickly added the weight back on and then some.

She left Anna and her mother downstairs, claiming that she had homework to finish. Elsa locked the door once she was inside her room. She collapsed onto her bed and covered her head with one of her pillows.

After breathing became almost impossible, she turned and curled onto her side, hugging the pillow tightly in her arms. Anna's beautiful face, so bright and happy, flashed behind her closed eyes and her throat and chest closed again.

She was so happy, happier than Elsa could make her. Even her mother looked happy tonight, and they didn't even glance at the empty seat at the table. Because Kristoff was sitting in it.

And although he could never replace her father, Elsa felt like he could replace the joy they had lost. Not for her. Never for her.

The monster in her stomach clawed and roared. She could never make Anna as happy as he could.

Maybe she shouldn't continue to try anymore. But she knew she couldn't do that.

Not to Anna.

Not to herself.

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**Sorry for the wait, but I've been organizing this and I have the whole story planned, although some things might change, depending on you guys too. There are two ways I can end it: one is, obviously, with Elsanna and I figure most of you will want that but I am a big fan of one-sided Elsanna, so option two is to completely destroy Elsa, which I highly favor. I know, I'm a horrible person. You could ****convince me though to give this story a happy ending...maybe.**


	4. Pizza Party

**Sorry for the huge wait. I'm trying to manage my time better with all of my fics. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your thoughts about this story so far.**

**My main goal with all of my stories is to bring something new to the table, something that hasn't really been done too much before. For this reason, as much as I love Elsanna endings, this story will not have a romantic Elsanna end. There ****will be romantic/sexual Elsanna relations in future chapters but there won't be an Elsanna ending. But there will be a happy ending, I promise.**

**I did specify that this is a one-sided Elsanna story so if you guys don't want to continue with this because you're looking for something different, thank you for stopping by and for trying this out. I realize a lot of you don't favor one-sided Elsanna but I live for this stuff and I simply write what I would want to read. And based on your reviews, it seems like a lot of you want to see something different so hopefully I can make that happen. **

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Elsa stuffed a pillow over her ears but the laughter coming from the girls downstairs was still able to seep through the stuffing and sink deep into her skull. An ache had started to form behind her eyes ever since her mother left on her date with a random man she had met at work. Elsa never liked the men her mom chose to date and this guy was no exception.

But it made her mom happy so she just turned a blind eye.

Anna's friends had started to arrive an hour or so after their mom left, starting with Rapunzel. Elsa couldn't stand most of Anna's friends but the energetic blonde was the worst of the bunch. She had no real reason to hate her, or anyone for that matter, but she couldn't stop the black disgust that swirled in her chest whenever she saw her.

Maybe it was because she could be the best friend that she never was to Anna.

Elsa buried her head deeper into her pillows, making it exceptionally hard to breathe. She welcomed the strain it put on her lungs, the tightness in her chest, because she knew the exact reason behind it. Well, she knew the other reason why her lungs felt like they were caving in whenever she glanced at her sister, but she could stop this. She could easily take her head out of her pillow and draw in a deep breath and her lungs would no longer burn with desperation.

The front door opened and Elsa wasn't sure if it was the pizza guy or more of Anna's popular crowd. She desperately hoped it was food. One, because she was starving and her mother had left enough money to buy five pizzas, so Elsa knew it was safe to sneak down later and eat rather than to go down now into the fray. Two, because the giggles of the girls (she counted four different voices but it was hard to distinguish any besides Anna's voice) were already loud enough to make Elsa pound her fist into her mattress with aching frustration.

Silence fell over the crowd downstairs and Elsa guessed that they were all happily occupied with their meal. She took a deep breath and slowly untangled herself from her twisted sheet. She felt the cool air of her room hit her burning face and she greedily gulped a large amount of fresh air into her lungs. Her room was dark, save for the slivers of sunlight still poking through her window. The sun was almost below the horizon, creating a pink and purple canvas in the sky outside of her room.

She rolled over on her side, arm propping up her head, and watched as the clouds began to cover the top of the sun, cutting out the light in Elsa's bedroom. Her window was open, a breeze ruffling her curtains while causing her hair to tickle her nose and face. Her braid was slightly undone and she honestly couldn't remember when the last time she had fixed it was.

The wind was slowly becoming warmer day by day, in the transition between winter and spring, but it still caused goose bumps to appear on Elsa's bare arms. She welcomed the feeling.

When she heard footsteps racing up the stairs, she rolled over to face the door and sat up, momentarily dizzy from lying down for so long. She opened her door just as Anna raised a fist to knock on the wood. The redhead jumped back in surprise, offering a small "Oh!" before smiling at her sister.

"Hey Elsa! I wasn't sure if you were sleeping or not but I wanted to come up to see if you wanted some pizza." The redhead's grin made Elsa's stomach leap and her stomach clench in the mere thought of her lips against her own mouth. The thought of her sister's face so close to Elsa's, her hot breath ghosting over her pale lips, made the blonde light-headed just thinking about it. She leaned lightly against her doorframe in order to keep herself steady.

"I'll probably just get some later," Elsa said, examining her fingernails and shrugging. The wooden doorframe dug into her shoulder as she moved it up but she didn't really care.

Anna pouted and crossed her arms in the most adorably childish away. Elsa fought back a grin. Her icy blue eyes met her sisters and she found herself lost in her blue, twinkling orbs. Laughter floated up from the living room and Elsa broke her stare, frown forming on her face as she gazed at the ground.

"When was the last time you ate something," Anna persisted. Elsa paused, pursing her lips slightly.

"Before school," she said after a moment of silence. She always ate breakfast and skipped lunch, simply because she never felt like eating in school with Anna in the same lunch period, watching her playfully shoulder bump Kristoff sitting next to her.

"Elsa!" Anna exclaimed, slapping the blonde lightly on the arm, "you need to eat something!"

Elsa just shrugged again, pushing off the wall with her elbow with the intention of shutting the door once Anna left. "I'm not hungry." Just as she finished her sentence, her stomach betrayed her and Anna broke out into a fit of giggles that made Elsa blush furiously.

"Obviously you're lying," Anna said, shaking her head as her laughter died down. "Come on." Anna took her arm, her warm hand burning her skin and lighting her entire body on fire.

The redhead started to pull her towards the stairs and Elsa knew better than to fight her. Her mind was in a foggy heat anyways so she probably couldn't fight her even if she wanted. Anna wordlessly led Elsa to the living room where the other girls were eating their pizza in various positions on the floor and couch in front of the TV. Half full pizza boxes were strewn on the coffee table, tops open.

Elsa sat down in one of the free chairs to the side of the room. She waved and said her hellos to Anna's friends, trying to put on her best, warm smile. Most of the girls didn't even notice her; they were too busy chatting amongst themselves, eating pizza, and watching a movie on a random channel.

Elsa grabbed a piece of pizza and leaned back in her chair, trying to tune out the girls around her. Every so often, Anna would ask the blonde a question or turn to her expectantly when someone said something funny and Elsa would put on a fake grin and force laughter to come out of her throat so much that her chest ached.

She didn't know how long she sat in the chair staring at some movie that she couldn't even hear. The pizza had left a bad taste in the back of her throat and her stomach churned, making her regret even coming downstairs.

"So Anna," Tiana started, "how's Kristoff?" Elsa moved her attention from the screen to the group of girls, all looking at Anna expectantly. Her sister sighed happily and Elsa felt a bubble of sadness well up inside her chest.

"He's just so amazing," Anna smiled and Elsa's hearing went fuzzy. She tried her best to focus on the ticking of the clock in the kitchen or the sound of someone crying on the TV instead of the sound of Anna babbling about Kristoff and how great he was.

"Do you think you love him?" Rapunzel asked after a few minutes of Anna rambling about the blonde junior, her eyes bright with curiosity and excitement.

Anna paused for a moment before a giant smile lit up her face and she nodded vigorously, causing the girl to squeal and Elsa to feel a burning sensation behind her eyes. She choked back a hot lump in her throat, trying her best to keep herself from cracking apart in front of them.

"What do you know about love, Anna?" Elsa asked suddenly, surprising herself with how steady and calm she sounded, almost like she had no emotion at all. The redhead looked taken-aback for a second.

"More than you," she countered, slightly offended.

"I know more than you think," Elsa mumbled, barely audible as her words hit the air of the room.

"All I know," Anna said, ignoring Elsa's comment, "is that whenever I see him, I get butterflies in my chest and I can't stop thinking about him. And when I'm with him, I never want to leave. Everything I see or do reminds me of him in every way."

And with each word, Elsa's heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces, until she was sure she had nothing left to be broken. While each of Anna's friends squealed even more than before and a loud chorus of "aww" was given, Elsa stood on shaky and unsteady feet.

"Where are you going?" Anna inquired, watching the blonde with an attentive stare.

Elsa shook her head. "Uh, I'm just t-tired." She wiped her nose, attempting to make it look like an itch. She didn't stay around for Anna's response; she couldn't stay anywhere near her sister.

Elsa collapsed on her bed, tears flowing freely down her face. Deep down, she knew that her sister loved Kristoff but it destroyed her to actually hear it, to actually know it was true.

And she knew it was love that Anna was describing too, because that was exactly what she felt every moment of every day.

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**If there are any errors, feel free to let me know. I'm doing this at 2:30 am so I probably missed some of my mistakes. **

**Hopefully, the next update won't take as long. Extracurricular Activities is almost done and then that's one less fic to worry about. If you have any questions regarding this story or any other story, feel free to ask on my tumblr (chocolate-snowflakes) 3 hyphens, blah, blah, blah all that stuff**


	5. Spring Storms

**I'm trying to get these out as fast as I can. They aren't long or that hard to write so I'm going to try and get this ****fic done as soon as possible. I have a big project that I'm working on with someone and I want to focus on that, but I have to get some stories done first. Thank you to all who are reading this and feel free to leave a review if you have time.**

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Dark clouds coated the sky, the smell of rain heavy in the air. Thunder boomed in the distance and the black sky lit up with flashes of light. Rain beat against the roof over Elsa's head, mixing with the painful pounding in her head, a hammer slamming against the inside of her skull.

She sat alone. The clock in the kitchen had chimed two in the morning some time ago and the silent house creaked as it braced itself against the roaring wind. Tree branches scraped themselves against the living room window but the blonde didn't look up from the book on her lap; she hardly heard the cracking thunder in the distance.

The lamp besides her illuminated the side of her face and casted a shadow across her book. The ink words twisted and jumbled together on the pages, forming an incoherent blob of black that made the front of Elsa's head throb in unison with her heart. She wasn't sure whether it was the cloudy tears that spilled from her eyes that made it impossible to comprehend a single sentence or the aching, hollow loneliness that she felt in the chambers of her heart.

She hadn't spoken to Anna in a week. She had stayed away and Anna had stared at her with the most injured expression, making Elsa's throat ache. After the first two days, her sister had just given up, spending most of her free time with Kristoff or Rapunzel, apparently over her house because of a school project.

Elsa knew the real reason and she hated herself for it. She knew how hurt Anna was; she could see the pain in her eyes whenever Elsa turned her head the other way. And Elsa's own chest burned when Anna left each day, saying that she wouldn't be home for dinner. Their mom didn't seem to notice anything different. She smiled and Elsa knew that she was happy that Anna was "happy."

Her mother didn't care if she wasn't happy.

A flash of lightning chased away the shadows in the room then disappeared, the darkest returning with a vengeance, making the blonde on the sofa feel surrounded and suffocated. With another sharp crack, the light besides Elsa cut out, leaving her in complete darkness with the rain as her only friend.

"Ah, for fuck's sake," she whispered to herself, shutting her book harder than necessary since she wasn't even reading it in the beginning. She groped for her phone and found it half buried in the plush cushions of the couch.

She winced and squinted her eyes once she turned her flashlight on, the harsh light causing her head to spin and the hammer in her skull to knock against the inside of her head with more vigor. She stood up, stretching out her legs from their curled-up position.

With a sigh, she made her way to the foot of the stairs, stepping over a pair of Anna's sneakers that she had thrown carelessly down when she got home, dripping wet from the rain. That had been hours ago. Elsa had watched her disappear upstairs from her position on the couch, mouth clamped shut. She had listened to the water from the shower run through the pipes overhead, the sound much more smooth and pleasant than the rain outside.

Her mother went up to bed shortly after the shower stopped and Elsa had heard her sister and mom exchange good nights and shut their respective doors.

And she was left alone without a second thought.

The stairs creaked underneath her feet and she moved slowly as to prevent as much noise as possible. She could hear the gentle snores coming from her mother's room as she walked by her door and she turned her light off so she wouldn't disturb her peaceful slumber.

Elsa made her way down the hall, stopping outside her sister's door. The door was shut and Elsa placed her hand on the cool knob, tempted to turn it until it opened and she could see her sister's face without the hurt and pain etched on her features. Thunder sounded and lightning lit up the hallway. Elsa snatched her hand back from the doorknob as if she was burnt my the silver metal.

She didn't stay any longer. Her feet carried her quickly to her room, no longer caring if the floorboards groaned underneath. Elsa threw her phone on her side table next to the digital clock that had no numbers, empty, without any source to keep it going.

Elsa slipped off her shirt and pulled a tank top over her head, cursing at it got caught on her braid for a second. With a low growl, she pulled her hair free and let it fall around her shoulders before diving into her covers. The scent of rain clouded her room and she realized that she had left her window open, the curtains and windowsill soaked with cold water. She just rolled away from the sight.

Her eyes began to slide shut, having grown as heavy as the rain outside, when she heard a knock at her door. At first, she didn't realize what it was until the knocking became more persistant and urgent. With a small growl of tired frustration, she climbed out of her bed, stepping on a few books by her table. She just kicked them aside.

Elsa didn't really know why she was surprised to see her sister standing there. She stood in shorts and an oversized t-shirt with a faded logo on the front, so faded that Elsa couldn't make it out. It also didn't help that the house was in complete darkness.

"What do you want Anna?" She tried to hide harshness in her voice, the need to protect herself. Her hard outer shell cracked though when Anna sniffed, wrapping her arms tighter around the pillow in her grasp.

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I know you don't want to talk to me and I don't know what I did, but…" She broke off, jumping slightly when thunder sounded. It was far off in the distance and wasn't nearly as intense as before, but it broke Elsa's heart to see how her sister reacted to it. She could imagine how she was before when the storm was stronger.

That was why she moved aside and let the redhead into her cool room, shutting the door softly behind her. Anna was already seated on the bed when the blonde turned around. The older girl made her way over and sat besides her sister, keeping a few inches between them.

She could practically feel Anna shaking besides her and her arm twitched at her side. She knew that Anna never liked storms. Whenever they were kids, Elsa remembered that their dad used to sit beside Anna in her room as soon as the first crack of thunder was heard. When their father had died, Elsa had taken over that role.

She heard Anna sigh shakily besides her and she acted this time, only hesitating for a split second before wrapping her arm around her sister's shoulder. The redhead immediately pressed herself against Elsa's side, nuzzling her face into her neck, and the blonde breathed in her scent.

"I'm sorry," Anna said suddenly, her lips brushing against the pale girl's neck, making her fight off a shiver.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Elsa whispered, keeping her voice low in order to hide the thick sadness in her throat. "You did nothing." Anna opened her mouth, getting the first syllable out before Elsa stopped her, shaking her head slowly.

"I just needed some time on my own. You did nothing," Elsa repeated, wrapping both arms around her sister, holding her close and marveling in the warmth it brought her. She never knew someone could cause her so much pain and happiness at the same time.

"I can stay here tonight, right?" Elsa hummed in response and she felt Anna smile against her neck. The redhead wiggled herself out of her grasp and moved under the covers. Elsa stiffly did the same, tucking the pillow behind her head as she lay on her back. Within seconds, Anna's head was on her shoulder and her arm was across her stomach. Elsa found herself slowly relaxing and she brought her arm around her sister again, drawing her closer to her side as if she was the only thing keeping her alive.

Maybe she was. But Elsa knew she was also the thing completely destroying her. Somehow, in that moment, she didn't care. It was worth it.

"Hey Elsa?" Anna whispered, her breath burning the blonde's neck. The girl's voice was distorted from fatigue and it took Elsa's tired mind a minute to understand what she was saying.

"Yeah?"

"Are you really okay?" Her voice was clearer now and Elsa sighed, burying her nose in her sister's red hair.

"Yeah," she breathed, "yeah, I'll be fine." She knew it was a lie but Anna seemed content with her answer. The younger girl hummed, nuzzling her face into Elsa's shirt.

"You're the best sister ever Elsa. I love you."

Elsa gulped. "I love you too Anna." At least she knew that wasn't a lie.

Soon, Anna's breath evened out and Elsa waited until she was entirely sure that her sister was asleep before she allowed herself to cry.

* * *

**If you made it to the bottom, good job and thank you. If there are any mistakes, feel free to tell me (I'm typing as fast as the speed on light right now) so I'm assuming that there are plenty. If you want to get in touch with me about anything, my tumblr is chocolate-snowflakes (3 hyphens, I guess you all kinda know that by now). Keep your eye out for an update for this fic within a few days (maybe) and an update for my other stories in a few days as well, if everything goes as planned. **


	6. Prom Dates

**Wow, I'm really getting these out there! I'm surprising myself. This chapter is longer than the others just because I had to include on of my favorite poems in here. I feel like it fits Elsa's feelings in this chapter and I couldn't resist. I'm also trying to get an update for Extracurricular Activities and In Death's Hands out today, so keep your eyes open!**

**And this poem is pretty lengthy so if you really wanted to, you could just skip it, but I recommend reading it.**

* * *

Elsa sat in the hard chair, tapping the tip of her pencil on the desk as her English teacher paced in the front of the room. His words were an incoherent jumble and Elsa found herself not attempting to try and decipher them. She leaned her head on her open palm, blowing a few loose strands of white hair out of her face.

She turned to the window, glancing outside at the flowers that had just started to bloom. She found herself vaguely annoyed so she turned back, now watching her teacher as he moved up and down the isles, a thick stack of paper in his hands.

"Now you will have a few open-ended questions about this poem tomorrow," he said and a collective groan was heard throughout the classroom. Elsa felt herself grow more frustrated as her headache maximized tenfold, thanks to her fellow peers.

"There is time left in class," the teacher continued, ignoring the attitudes of his students. "You are free to start reading this, or you can find something else to do but keep the volume down." He finished handing out the papers, Elsa being the last one to receive a copy.

The blonde sighed and looked down at the sheets of paper. The title read "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" and the girl flipped through the pages lazily. She glanced around the room, seeing some students reading while most were either playing on their phones or whispering rather loudly to each other.

Elsa turned her attention back down to the poem on her desk, leaning her head on her hand. She glanced at the clock, watching the hands crawl past each number, and almost groaned at how slow they seemed to move. Resting her head lightly against the desk for a second, she decided that she should at least attempt to read the stupid poem. Her eyes roamed over the title a few times before dipping down the page to the first line.

_Let us go then, you and I,_

_When the evening is spread out against the sky_

_Like a patient etherized upon a table;_

_Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,_

_The muttering retreats_

_Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels_

_And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:_

_Streets that follow like a tedious argument_

_Of insidious intent_

_To lead you to an overwhelming question. . ._

_Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"_

_Let us go and make our visit._

_In the room the women come and go_

_Talking of Michelangelo._

_The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes_

_The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes_

_Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening_

_Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,_

_Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,_

_Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,_

_And seeing that it was a soft October night_

_Curled once about the house, and fell asleep._

_And indeed there will be time_

_For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,_

_Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;_

_There will be time, there will be time_

_To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;_

_There will be time to murder and create,_

_And time for all the works and days of hands_

_That lift and drop a question on your plate;_

_Time for you and time for me,_

_And time yet for a hundred indecisions_

_And for a hundred visions and revisions_

_Before the taking of a toast and tea._

_In the room the women come and go_

_Talking of Michelangelo._

_And indeed there will be time_

_To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"_

_Time to turn back and descend the stair,_

_With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—_

_[They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"]_

_My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,_

_My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—_

_[They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"]_

_Do I dare_

_Disturb the universe?_

_In a minute there is time_

_For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse._

_For I have known them all already, known them all;_

_Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,_

_I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;_

_I know the voices dying with a dying fall_

_Beneath the music from a farther room._

_So how should I presume?_

_And I have known the eyes already, known them all—_

_The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,_

_And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,_

_When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,_

_Then how should I begin_

_To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?_

_And how should I presume?_

_And I have known the arms already, known them all—_

_Arms that are braceleted and white and bare_

_[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]_

_Is it perfume from a dress_

_That makes me so digress?_

_Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl._

_And should I then presume?_

_And how should I begin?_

_. . . . ._

_Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets_

_And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes_

_Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? . . ._

_I should have been a pair of ragged claws_

_Scuttling across the floors of silent seas._

_. . . . ._

_And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!_

_Smoothed by long fingers,_

_Asleep . . . tired . . . or it malingers,_

_Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me._

_Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,_

_Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?_

_But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,_

_Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,_

_I am no prophet–and here's no great matter;_

_I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,_

_And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,_

_And in short, I was afraid._

_And would it have been worth it, after all,_

_After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,_

_Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,_

_Would it have been worth while,_

_To have bitten off the matter with a smile,_

_To have squeezed the universe into a ball_

_To roll it toward some overwhelming question,_

_To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,_

_Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"_

_If one, settling a pillow by her head,_

_Should say, "That is not what I meant at all._

_That is not it, at all."_

_And would it have been worth it, after all,_

_Would it have been worth while,_

_After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,_

_After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—_

_And this, and so much more?—_

_It is impossible to say just what I mean!_

_But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:_

_Would it have been worth while_

_If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,_

_And turning toward the window, should say:_

_"That is not it at all,_

_That is not what I meant, at all."_

_. . . . ._

_No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;_

_Am an attendant lord, one that will do_

_To swell a progress, start a scene or two_

_Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,_

_Deferential, glad to be of use,_

_Politic, cautious, and meticulous;_

_Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;_

_At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—_

_Almost, at times, the Fool._

_I grow old . . . I grow old . . ._

_I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled._

_Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?_

_I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach._

_I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each._

_I do not think they will sing to me._

_I have seen them riding seaward on the waves_

_Combing the white hair of the waves blown back_

_When the wind blows the water white and black._

_We have lingered in the chambers of the sea_

_By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown_

_Till human voices wake us, and we drown._

The bell rang once she was finished and she frowned as she shoved her things in her bag, stuffing the poem in her book before putting that with everything else. She was the last person out of the classroom, the hall a mess of chatty students slamming their lockers and clustered in groups throughout the hall. Some were making attempts to make it to their class on time while others just lingered and slowly made their way to where they were supposed to be after the bell rang.

Elsa was still frowning by the time she got to her locker, slipping past multiple groups of people standing in front of it. She opened her lock, swinging open the metal door. By the time she switched out her books, most of the people were gone with a few still scattered around. She didn't rush as she searched for her history textbook, knowing that she didn't have to be on time to lunch.

No one would care if she didn't show up.

When she heard a thud from her right she looked up from the bottom of her locker, eyes narrowing as she saw a familiar face with hideous sideburns. Her lip peeled back in disgust as Hans leaned against the lockers, facing her with his stupid smile.

"Elsa," he said, dipping his head down slightly in her direction with his arms crossed.

"What? No 'Ice Queen' today?" Elsa snapped and annoyance flared in her chest as the man just shrugged his large shoulders.

"A simple hello would do," Hans sneered, standing up straight. Elsa just shook her head and grabbed her lunch.

"What do you really want?" Hans bit into his nail as she spoke, examining his fingers and seemingly not paying any attention. She was mildly surprised when he answered her.

"So you know prom is getting closer," he started and Elsa stopped all of her movements, feet frozen to the ground while her heart beat erratically inside her chest.

"Why should I care? I'm not even going," the blonde said defensively, clutching her things tightly in her hands until her knuckles were white. Hans leaned against the lockers again.

"Well, I wanted to see if you wanted to go. With me." Elsa stared at him, trying desperately not to let her mouth hang open. She gritted her teeth, lips pulled back, and all she wanted to do was hide in the shadows.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" she whispered, her tight throat, making it hard for her to speak. Hans looked taken aback by her question. Elsa guessed that it was because girl always immediately swooned over him.

He opened his mouth but Elsa put up a hand, stopping his charade before it even started. "I don't want to hear anymore, Hans. The answer is no." She turned away from him, not bothering to look at his face. Her hand clutched at her shirt, feeling his eyes on the back of her neck, and she tried desperately to melt into the shadows.

_I should have been a pair of ragged claws_

_Scuttling across the floors of silent seas._

* * *

Forks and knives clanked and scraped against plates, the sound of chewing filling Elsa's ears as she pushed her food around in small circles, mixing everything until it became even more unappealing.

"So," their mother said, breaking the silence that permeated throughout the kitchen, "I know that prom is coming up." Anna nodded and smiled, shoving more potatoes in her mouth.

"Yeah," Anna said around a mouthful of food, "Rapunzel and I wanted to go dress shopping soon. Maybe next weekend." Their mother smiled, taking a small sip of her water. She turned to Elsa, who was still playing with her food, a bored expression on her features.

"Are you planning to go?" Elsa looked up, placing her fork on her plate and straightening her spine. She shrugged.

"I dunno. It's not really my thing." She bit her lip, picking at the threads hanging off of the bottom of her shirt.

"It's your senior year, Elsa," her mother pointed out and Elsa sighed in response, expecting the same lecture about participating again.

"I'm sure you could easily get a date," Anna cut in, gesturing towards the blonde with her fork. "Did anyone ask you yet?"

Elsa gulped, swallowing a lump in her throat. "Hans asked me today." Anna eyes widened.

"Really? And what did you say?" Elsa rolled her eyes.

"Well, no."

"What? Why?" Anna asked, food now forgotten as she leaned forward in her seat. Elsa shrugged again.

"I don't know if I want to go," Elsa said, picking up her fork and twirling it around on her plate, grimacing at the appearance of her dinner again.

"Well you should at least go shopping with me! I need to make sure I find the perfect dress and you have great style, so you could help me!" Anna's eyes twinkled with excitement and Elsa's stomach twisted and curled into itself, a bad taste forming in the bad of her throat at the thought of spending a day picking out a dress for Kristoff to enjoy.

"You should go, Elsa," their mom agreed. "It would be fun and nice to get out of the house." Elsa fought against the frown trying to form on her face and just grabbed her glass, feigning indifference.

"Fine," the blonde grumbled and Anna squealed.

"This is gonna be so much fun," Anna babbled and Elsa found herself unable to listen. A buzzing overwhelmed her hearing and she felt numb at the thought of Kristoff dancing with Anna instead of her. She got up from her chair, the legs scraping against the kitchen tile underneath her feet.

"I'm going to go to bed early. I'm pretty tired tonight," Elsa said as she tugged at the bottom of her ruffled braid. She didn't wait around for her sister and mother to say goodnight. She just made her way up the stairs as fast as she could, feeling the monster of jealously clawing at her stomach and up her neck. For the second time that day, all she wanted to do was become one with the shadows.

_I should have been a pair of ragged claws_

_Scuttling across the floors of silent seas._


End file.
